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Kids are Cruel

May 4, 2012

Today at the playground, some mean little boys told Morgan that he “did not have a mom or a dad”.

Morgan is 4. Those kids are bastards. And you know what? I think even less of their parents because they apparently stood by doing nothing. Our baby sitter had to gather up my two littles and take them to the library.

This evening, Morgan was withdrawn and prone to tears. He barely has the vocabulary to express what happened…but he knew what they meant…and it hurt. 

We explained that the world is full of ignorant people and that bullies will try to make you cry for their own amusement. I shared a few stories from my own childhood where I had been the victim of another kid’s hateful words. I kept reinforcing that he did not have to open his mind or his heart to what they were saying. We told him “you know the truth. You have a mommy and a daddy who love you very much. Don’t let them hurt you with lies.”

I know that the best way to deal with bullying is to provide no reaction. I was terrible at not reacting and subsequently was bullied all through my school years.  It hurts to imagine my son exposed to the vicious spite of children who are lashing out at a supposedly weaker child. I wonder at parents who raise such low life children that they find entertainment in another child’s pain. There will always be someone who doesn’t like your hair, eyes, face, voice…etc. There will always be cruelty.

I hope to give him so much love that he will know that their words do not matter. That they as people do not matter.

I would love to hear how you’ve educated or armed your children against bullying.



5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 4, 2012 2:03 am

    Oh, my heart hurts for Morgan. I am so sad that some kids said such a hateful thing to him. 😦 I wish there was a way we could protect our kiddo’s from the ignorant people out there. {Hugs}

  2. May 4, 2012 2:15 am

    Rosalind Wiseman is excellent on dealing with bullies. She has a website. I am so sorry. THere are not strong enough words. That is just so horrible. Thinking of you and your sweet boy.

  3. Sue Ann Andrews permalink
    May 4, 2012 2:17 am

    This is awful! I’m glad Susan was paying attention and removed them from the situation. I’ve seen sitters (and parents) who ignore everything . . . We haven’t done much for A yet, but are concerned about it, having a sensitive boy. I’m hoping to help him find a passion that will carry him through. We’ve recently started martial arts, not because we want him to be able to defend himself (although that’s a benefit) but because of the philosophy of (self) respect. I know I can’t protect him from hurt, but I can give him some tools for navigation.

  4. Laura Hodges permalink
    May 4, 2012 3:32 am

    Jenn….my heart hurts that your sweet Morgan has already experienced bullying. That you, too, have experienced it again. What an excellent, caring sitter you have…she must love your children to be so attentive to what is going on around them rather than being only semi-focused on your children. Your approach to reassure and to love him, I think, is an excellent approach for his age. Mom and Dad can always make things better at that age. Having studied bullying for ten years now (it’s the topic of my dissertation), and having been bullied myself when in high school, I know how Mo Man feels, too. From what I know, at least one good solid friend is the best deterrent to being bullied…someone who will have your back, or step in as a distraction and move you away from being the object.

    My nephew was bullied on the school bus when he was in middle school. A couple of years later he was part of bullying someone. My sister was quick to remind him of how he felt when he was bullied, and asked him to imagine how the other kid felt. The next day at school he apologized and befriended the kid that was being bullied.

    Sorry to blather on here about this…bullying should not happen, but it does, unfortunately. You are an awesome Mom, and I’m certain that Morgan will know throughout his life that he is loved and supported. That is the very best protection you can ever give him.

    Much love,

  5. Shannon permalink
    May 9, 2012 3:24 am

    So sorry this happened. Something similar happened to someone in my neighborhood adoptive families group and I’m trying to prepare for it to happen to my son. The boy using the hurtful words in that case was basically quoting offensive stuff from kids movies he’d seen and wasn’t in any way aware of how much damage his words were doing. We know his parents and they are intelligent and I’d say thoughtful people but not savy about the way we speak about adoption in the 21st century. The parents in the case with your son may not even have realized that what was said was hurtful, though for adoptive parents it’s hard to believe.

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