June Cleaver does NOT live here
DAY ONE: Stay at home mom
1:00am–wake to screaming child covered in boogies and snot with full diaper. Teething. Spend next hour suctioning nose, dosing meds, rocking and begging said child to sleep.
3:00am–wake to screaming child covered in boogies, snot, and drool.
5:00am–wake to screaming child…see above.
7:00am–drop doped up child off at daycare and head to work in insane traffic…yep, that’s right, I’m headed to work on my first day as a SAHM because my contract got approved for a few reviews a year and my biggest school district is getting reviewed this week…which means next week might be better for staying at home and doing mom stuff.
10:30am: Daycare calls, tylenol has stopped working and the kiddo has a fever, runny nose, and is crying. Poor baby! Leave review before actually observing meal in question–toss me the Child Nutrition Award of the Year later–and head to daycare on sketchy border road as I am as close to Juarez as one can get and still be in the US for this review.
10:45am–admire fencing between EP and Juarez. Very HIGH.
11:00am–pick up feverish cranky little one and head home. Get drool and snot on merino wool sweater and dirty sneaker marks on freshly cleaned Anne Taylor pants.
11:10am–change into outfit so abominable that I cannot bring myself to photograph it. Kelly Green sweat pants, Race for the Cure T-shirt (circa DC 2001). Leave on black dress socks and add the burgundy tassled Calvin Klein Suede loafers that were last week’s applesauce casualty. Now one tassel looks crusty and lighter than the other. SWEET. Add Baby Sling–turquoise and black to clash profusely with all items of clothing. Add baby covered in snot and drool crying pitifully while waiting for motrin to take effect. Head to garage to find Favorite Baby Einstein DVD….it’s all about the love.
12:00pm–horrific sweats outfit now covered in mac and cheese…as well as my watch. How does he do it?
12:10pm: DAMN JUNE CLEAVER! If you notice, her children were not toddlers nor were they cutting teeth. That is how the woman kept a spotless home while waltzing around in coordinated sweater sets and natty little skirts. No boogers on her shoulders. All visions of cleaning the house, grocery shopping, going to the gym, and perhaps baking cookies with a healthy booger free little one have gone out the window.
12:11pm: Is that a noodle in my hair? It better not be a booger….